It’s not so much the act of writing that I enjoy. Even the word “enjoy” doesn’t really describe how I feel about writing. I really do enjoy the written word and words in general, especially when they are strung together in clever ways. But I don’t choose to write. I never, when I was little, said to myself, okay I have decided to become a writer. For me I have to do it. I don’t do it to be happy, but if I don’t do it, I will be unhappy. It’s odd.
It’s like a Pacman game.
If I don’t eat him, he will eat me. It’s not that I want to eat him, necessarily. It’s just that my desire to live is stronger than my apathy about eating or not eating him. The same goes for writing. It’s not that I want to write, but if I don’t write and arrange the words as I see fit, I am worried the words will take over, take control of themselves and describe my experiences in ways that I cannot accept. In a way, I have to eat the words before they eat me.
So writing for me brings a whole new meaning to the expression “dog eat dog” world. I don’t think any dog really wants to eat another dog in the first place, it’s just that their need to survive outweighs their distaste for dining on dog.
And these are the kinds of things that require prioritization.
5 comments:
Just stumbled onto your blog, great to see you are settling well in Montreal! Great to hear that you have a boyfriend too. At first, I was worried that you were too innocent for Montreal (a big city that will eat you up alive if your not careful) mais tu t'es débrouillée bien!
As for me i've finally got my M.A. done last year and am having a blast doing my dreamjobin Mtl. Life has been treating me very good as of late, dreamjob... check, girlfriend... check, health... check. What more could i want! Maybe we'll cross paths some day... then again maybe not.
from: an old friend you suddenly left one fine day on the east coast ;-)
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my site, it is about the CresceNet, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . A hug.
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Flores Online, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://flores-on-line.blogspot.com. A hug.
Hi, I came across this post because I've been following a little thing they call the deathmatch on the Broken Pencil website. I actually really like this post of yours and I can relate to your description of all your encounters and experiences instantly taking shape as words in your mind. I think I enjoy most of the other stuff I've read by you much more than the story in the actual contest, but best of luck.
Anonymous,
Thanks a lot for reading. I like autobiographical writing (who doesn't like to write about themselves?) But I also love writing fiction and poetry. But I understand that it is hard to genuinely portray the perspectives of different characters. I tutor adolescent boys quite a bit and my story for the Deathmatch is loosely inspired by my impression of these young boys and how they talk/behave/think/etc. Of course none of them lead as dramatic a life as the boys in my story, but the topic of coming out has come up before while I've been helping them with their French. It is interesting to hear their points of view - they simultaneously feel obliged to censor themselves for fear of being politically incorrect, and they have a lot of questions about how homosexuality works. I wanted to write what one of them might think if he didn't have to censor himself. Also, my story is a dark comedy, so I think the tone can mislead if readers don't know that there is humour there.
I've read a lot on coming out and I always feel the novels I've read about it make the entire ordeal very traumatic, though a lot of my friends who are gay don't think it is a big deal and don't feel apologetic for being a part of this minority, and why should they? Thats why my character Bill has such a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. And Danny just takes a little time to sort out his feelings. At the end, of course, even Danny's sexual preferences are questioned since he feels so protective about Bill (and doesn't know why). The truth is, homosexuality and heterosexuality are just categories that society has created but I think we all have some mixed sexuality moments in our lives. (Just like Cohen wrote in Beautiful Losers).
Thanks again for your interest! xo
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